For fun, I've decided to list some of the names I see and give them my own ranking--all completely arbitrary. A "1" means you shouldn't even consider naming your dog this, and a "10" means put this on your list if you're pregnant. (Keep in mind these names are all drawn solely from pages C4-5 of today's LA Times.)
1. Jrue Holiday (ucla guard) = 8
Obviously Jrue's parents were going for some sort of "Drew" takeoff. I think they pulled it off. Extra points for a last name that points one to the movie Tombstone. Jrue, you're my huckleberry.
2. Taj Gibson (USC forward) = 5
A name as regal as his game. But your Taj might end up filling Slurpee's at the Gas 'n Sip. Steer clear.
3. Darxia Morris (ucla women's guard) = 7/3
I can't decide if this is a "7" or a "3". Sometimes an "x" seems to be thrown into a name simply to make it appear more exotic. I'd like to see this become normalized. Names like "Joxhn" (silent "x") and "Brixxney" would be certain to turn heads.
4. Dymond Simon (Arizona St. women's point guard) = 9
Not only is she named after a precious jewel, but the first and last names rhyme! Substituting the "y" for the "ia" in her first name was a nice touch by her parents.
5. LaceDarius Dunn (Baylor) = 2
I pretty sure adding a feminine sounding item such as "Lace" to the front of your name is a bad idea if you're a guy. Every time. He could also have been "DolieDarius" or "BetteMidlerDarius Dunn". On second thought, maybe LaceDarius got off easy.
6. Briann January (USC women's guard) = 8
Anytime your last name is a day of the week or a month of the year, you're golden--even if your first name is absolutely atrocious. For instance, Cletus Klan doesn't sound very good. But Cletus Saturday sounds like a star! (Note: the only time this doesn't work is if your first name is LaceDarius.
7. Derwin Kitchen (Florida State) = 10
My favorite name on pages C4-5 of the sports section today. I like this name so much it may replace my usual alias of Pancakes Hernandez.
As you watch March Madness this year, keep your eyes and ears open for names to add to this list.
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4 comments:
This is funny! I should do that with names of present and former students. Here are a few, just from this year, in no particular order of awesomeness:
1. Peaches
2. Treasure
3. Zha-Quintae
Love these Saturday morning thoughts! I totally agree that almost anything goes with Saturday or January, but I question your rating of Dymond Simon...
There have been MANY and I won't remember them off the top of my head, but here are a few of my *favorite* names from my CPS caseload:
- Father named Larry. Kids names Larry Jr, Larion, Larius.
- MO addicted to meth and names her daughter Crystal.
- Syphilis (because it just sound so pretty).
Hmmm... brain is working, there are SO MANY more. I will think about it and come back. i promise, there are some good ones... :)
Freakin' hilarious!
Thanks for your additions to this list--keep 'em coming.
I also noticed that potentially the best basketball name this year belongs to the 7'1" center for Alabama State:
Chief Kickingstallionsims
They are a #16 seed in the tournament and unlikely to move on. Bummer. His name alone should count for 10 points for Alabama St. even before the game starts.
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