5/23/05

"I want to know Christ...and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings..."
Philippians 3:10

I have come to understand this marathon that I am training for as a participation in the suffering of Christ. Being 33 has caused me to reflect a lot on the suffering, death, and resurrection of Christ. This was the age (history tells us) Jesus was when he was brutalized on the cross. As I've done the longer training runs (16 & 18 miles) and endured physical pain that (at the time) doesn't appear to have an end in sight, well...it gives one a possible sense of the Savior's frame of mind.

I think about the marathon, now less than two weeks away, and I feel a mixture of anticipation and resignation. There is a small part of me that is all butterflies in the stomach and nervous energy; but, mostly, there is a sense of dread associated with knowing that something you are certain is going to hurt is marching relentlessly closer (like going to the dentist when you're a kid, but much worse). Is this what Jesus felt? If so, I certainly understand why he asked God, if it was in line with God's will, to remove that "cup." I've certainly fantisized about escaping this burden too.

I'm comforted (somewhat) that this marathon is suffering with a purpose; it's redemptive. I am running--not for myself--but to raise money for the people of El Salvador. If this were not so, I'm convinced I would simply be a massochist. Christ's too, was redemptive: a suffering and death that paved the way for Life.

So as I'm running on June 5 and my body is hurting, these are some of the things I will be thinking about. I will finish this race and I will drink from this cup...God grant me a greater understanding of the depths of your grace as I do.


"The intensity of the suffering is greatest when you have the power to free yourself from it...He who himself does not wish to suffer cannot love him who has."
--Kierkegaard