Cleanse - Day 30

Finito!

This is how I feel now. The bull that was my poor habits and eating issues has been stalking me for years, snorting and pawing the ground. Usually, when he has charged I have run like a scared rabbit. Not any more. I've faced the beast in the ring and stepped nimbly to the side. The bull is dead. It's good to be in control.

(Just to head off any outraged emails: I do not support violence to animals in any way. It's an analogy people!)

Cleanse - Day 29

Yoda told me today that I need to start easing the forbidden foods back into my diet, to make things easier on my stomach. So at lunch today at Taco Surf with Jim I allowed myself 5 tortilla chips (regular ones!) dipped in good, wonderful, spicy salsa.

And tomorrow--my last day!--I will have a bowl of granola with fat free milk for breakfast. I can hardly wait.

I will officially break this fast tomorrow evening when I have a scheduled ministry dinner over at someone's house. I don't know what will be on the menu, but I'm hoping it will include cheese.

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Ever notice how hard it is to change patterns in life? For instance, today I went to El Dorado Park as I often do and I walked around the lake, as I often do. Only this time--for the first time ever, I believe--I walked around the lake counter-clockwise. It was weird, but wonderful. It was like walking around an entirely new lake. I kept looking off to the right to see the lake, but it was on my left. Nice change...

I tried this the other day with shaving and couldn't handle it. On a whim I decided to try shaving the other side of my face first. I made a couple passes and couldn't do anymore. My brain kept saying, What are you doing? We don't like to shave that way! Stop! Stop!

Changing patterns is tough. I hope with this whole cleanse thing I've changed some eating habits and patterns in my life. I hope my experience from here forward will be more like the lake walk than the face shaving.

Wish me luck...

Cleanse - Day 28

In 1986 I was a fourteen year old pulling with all my might for the Angels against the Red Sox. I remember watching with horror as Donnie Moore blew the save with the Halos only one strike away from their first World Series trip. I remember saying to myself that it was over--even though the Angels were still up in the series 3-2. A team doesn't recover from that kind of blow. Sure enough, the Red Sox went on to easy wins in games 6 & 7 and the Angels went home.

I remember the bitter rivalry of the Lakers with the Celtics, the Lakers finally breaking through against the beantowners in classic fashion in 1985, and how good it felt to watch Magic, Kareem and company beat them again in 1987.

I don't like Boston sports much.

The Angels have been particularly put upon by this east coast team, being pushed out of the playoffs in convincing fashion three times this decade. Add 2004, 2007, and 2008 to 1986 and you can understand why long-suffering Halo fans have a bit of a complex when it comes to Boston.

But all that ended today.

What an amazing, unthinkable comeback for this team. And in Boston too, in front of all those chowderhead fans. And in the most dramatic of fashions.

I will be savoring this one for a long time. I very, very seriously contemplated breaking the cleanse to enjoy a celebratory beer out on the porch but I hung tough. In all likelihood the Yankees will be next for the Angels and with any luck I'll a few opportunities to toast some more victories. I can wait.

Even if this season doesn't end up with a World Series win, it's been a great year to be an Angels fan.

I'm still pulling for a "Freeway" series against the Dodgers--man, would that energize the southland! Plus, with MLB insisting on playing baseball into November now, Southern California is the only sensible climate left among the teams remaining.

But right now I don't care about any of that. I'm just thinking of Ben Affleck crying in his green beer. I realize I should not take joy in other fans disappointment, but I'm allowing myself one day to do so.

Feels good.

Cleanse - Day 27

The wife brought home those delectable chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's. You know the ones I'm talking about. So much better than Reece's--they just melt in your mouth! But a serving size is only 3 tiny cups and that will cost you 180 calories. Ha! If I can't have them right now then you have to feel guilty about polishing off 9 or 10.

So I saw those and really, really wanted something sweet. I have no good options for that. I can and have put brown sugar (cane sugar, not refined, legal for me) in my oatmeal. Other than that I'm relegated to dried fruit. Yes, dried fruit. Who, when they want something sweet, eats dried fruit?

I do. 8 dried apricots. Really hit the spot. Grrrrrrr...

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Today was Saturday which meant soccer for the kids. Jen and I are pretty ambivalent on the whole youth soccer thing. Neither one of our kids (older kids, we're holding out hope for Wes) are at all athletic to this point, and neither one of them seem to be that into sports. We're pretty confident (and hopeful!) that they won't be interested in signing up again next year and we can have nice, lazy Saturdays again.

But for now, we go. The wife was out of town with little Wes so Daddy was in charge of soccer day. Miah had the first game at 9:00 am and his team actually won a game! First one of the season, 5-0. The other team seemed to have no concept of the offside rule which helped tremendously.

Riley's game was at 11:45am and for the first time in her soccer career (2 years) her team didn't win. She has been on stacked teams in which she is a role player, supporting the go-getters. The game ended in a 3-3 tie, no sudden death or shoot-out in AYSO U-8.

I was helping to ref Riley's game. The wife--despite my objections--has gotten it in her mind that I enjoy refereeing and therefore volunteers me at the beginning of each year. The first time I sat through a day-long "ref school" to find out how to check 6 year-olds for illegal cleats and the proper way to signal a goal kick. This year I refused to go and so I'm relegated to being a "line referee" rather than a "center referee."

Center refs have all the glory. They get a whistle. They also have all the pressure. They get yelled at by parents. Seriously. Because our kids haven't really gotten that into competitive sports I thought the whole angry, out-of-control sports parent thing was a bit of a myth. Not so.

Today Riley's team (The Sunshine Girls. I've tried to tell Riley this means she has to always be pleasant and agreeable, but she isn't buying it.) was the home team which means we supply the center ref and one line ref. The away team (Blue and Black Attack--now that's a decent name!) provides the other line ref.

The poor Sunshine girls, who had never tasted defeat and, I believe, had never trailed in a game, found themselves down at the half 3-1. Tensions were high as the half-time orange slices were consumed and normally calm parents were sniffing for blood.

Referee blood.

Throughout the second half the center ref--who is a parent of one of the girls on our team, mind you--received a fair amount of disgruntled commentary from the parents on our own team! It was comical. And sad.

Do 6 and 7 year-olds really need this kind of pressure? Does a volunteer ref with minimal training who is simply helping out from the goodness of his heart need this kind of grief?

It make me wonder about some of these parents who prowl the sidelines with the intensity of a lion waiting for fresh prey. Do they really have nothing else in life other than this game played by their kid? If this is how things are in the under 8 league, how is it by the time you get to age 12?

No thanks.

By the way, my role-player daughter got hold of one just right and booted a ball from about midfield that somehow avoided all other players and rolled into the goal. First one of the season! I was very happy for her.

Of course if it had missed, I'm sure I could have blamed it on the ref.

Cleanse - Day 26

Marinated that mahi-mahi in soy sauce, olive oil, onion, garlic, and pepper, and then baked it up with sliced mushrooms.

So good.

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My kids have internalized this cleanse thing to the point where they are telling me what I can and cannot eat. Riley making her lunch this morning: I'm going to have cheese and crackers, Daddy. You can't have cheese, right? (Rub it in there, daughter, why don't ya?)

Jeremiah as we rolled through Wendy's tonight to get them each a cheeseburger: I'm getting a junior bacon cheeseburger. Those are off limits for you, Dad. (Yeah, thanks for the reminder, son.)

By the way, this is the first time in this 30-day cleanse that I've been to a fast food establishment. I typically would go 1-3 times a week--loves me a spicy chicken sandwich with fries. Hopefully I can keep the visits down, now.

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Angels are now up 2-0 in their series with the Red Sox--I am a very happy fan. (Mighty Maicer Izturis got the big hit. Doesn't he look happy about it?)

Cleanse - Day 25

Best cleanse day to date. I'll give you three reasons why and none of them have to do with food.

1. Went surfing this morning at the jetty at Bolsa Chica. I hit the tides right and the waves were breaking my way. Caught a couple of rights that were among the best rides I've had. (Disclaimer: only been surfing for 5 years so I still get excited about these things.) Water was warm enough for a spring suit, it wasn't crowded...all was right with the world.

2. Visited a beautiful old man at his house this afternoon who is dying of cancer. He may only have a few days left. I last saw him on Monday and he has clearly worsened in the last three days. But man, when he smiles... He has a grin that lights up the room and eyes that shine from deep within. I was happy to laugh with him, read to him, pray with him, and cry with him. He made me promise to come back. It was an easy promise to make.

3. Just got done watching the Angels beat the hated Red Sox 5-0! Maybe this is the year. Lackey pitched very well, there was clutch hitting... it feels like a (rally) monkey is off our backs. Let's make it 2 games to nil tomorrow night!

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I'm a short-timer with this cleanse. Only 5 days to go...

Cleanse - Day 24

Ben had some thoughts on eating, not very positive ones. Perhaps he speaks from experience. What do you think?

In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.

--Benjamin Franklin

A full belly makes a dull brain.

--Benjamin Franklin

Cleanse - Day 23

One week from today I'm done. Nice.

I took a final shopping trip to Trader Joe's and picked up a final week's worth of supplies: veggies, some fruit, oatmeal, nuts and, as a special treat, some mahi-mahi (so good they had to name it twice!).

I'm already thinking about what patterns and things I'd like to carry over from the cleanse. For instance, I'm done with Diet Coke. It's been a nice run but it's time to break-up. I've kind of grown to like the green tea and if I need a soda I think I'll go with Hansen's Natural.

I really like the wheat bagels toasted up with some honey on 'em. I've been slipping a little butter on there too even though I'm not supposed to. Don't tell Yoda.

I think I'm also going to end my relationship with sugary breakfast cereals. I dig the oatmeal and I'd like to get back into granola. Fat free milk, of course.

I don't think I've ever eaten this many fruits and vegetables on a consistent basis...would like to keep that going too.

I think I can ditch red meat permanently too. The more I read about where it comes from and the entire messed up beef industry the less appealing even the juiciest steak sounds.

Of course, these opinions could all change...

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Read something good enough to share today:

Thought 72 - Reverence

A sense of reverence and awe

in the presence of God

cannot be learned,

cannot be taught.

Without awe, people turn to doctrine.

Without reverence people turn to rules.

Doctrine and rules can be taught and learned.

The pastor resists the temptation to teach.

She steps out of the way and points

to the Presence of God.

Reverence and awe are born in the people's hearts.

Cleanse - Days 21 & 22

In the midst of a busy life it's hard to keep up with this daily blogging. I received an email from a friend telling me how impressed she was that I was sticking to this cleanse thing. I replied back and told that, honestly, if I didn't have the accountability of having publicly committed myself I am sure I would have been eating pizza and cookie dough around Day 6. So thanks for reading and being prepared to give me you-know-what if I don't play out the hand.

My Yoda told me she was proud of me today too. I "confessed" to her (she's kind of like my Mother Superior too!) that Sunday night while at some friends house I ate a white bread bun with the turkey burger they so graciously made me. It was soooooo good. Yoda was very kind, absolved me of my sin, and told me to eat 10 hunks of broccoli as penance. Deal.

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On another note, I'm very excited about the MLB post season and very nervous about the Angels having to face the Chowdaheads again. The wife and I have tics to game 1 and I'm not sure I can take another beat down at the hands of Boston. If the Halos get swept in this series (again) my first day off the cleanse could be down at O'Malley's drowning my sorrows in a pint or two.

(By the way, I'm tired of transplanted New Englanders and New Yorkers taking over Angel stadium. If Boston and New York are so great then move back there! I feel better.)

Cleanse - Day 20

Wow, was definitely ready to quit this thing today. Maybe it would help if I didn't personally prepare a bunch of yummy food for my kids. I made them chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast (side of banana) and pepperoni and sausage pizza for dinner (side of peaches). To top it off, they got a brownie with a scoop of ice cream for dessert from their Dad. I am a silly, silly man.

Stupid cleanse...

Cleanse - Day 19: Detroit Bar

I'm usually a homebody but this has been two nights out in a row for me. Went to Detroit Bar in Costa Mesa to see David Bazan and his band perform. Very, very good. Despite having to stand in one place for about 3 hours and the resulting lower back pain (I'm getting to old for these little club shows), it was well worth it to hear his new material live. The man claims to be an agnostic at best these days, but he's clearly still wrestling.

Everybody but yours truly had a drink or two.

Earlier in the day I got to spend a nice hour on the porch, sipping green tea and catching up with my Mom who was a hero to watch the kids tonight. (She took them to go see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and apparently it warranted three thumbs up.)

Off to bed. Eleven more days to go.

Cleanse - Day 18: The Prospector

Once a month, on the first Thursday, my boyhood church friends get together for steaks and beer. We had been going to The El Dorado which is within walking distance of the new casa, but our organizer, the infamous John Fouts, directed us to a new destination further into the heart of Long Beach, The Prospector.

Nice place for us. The Prospector is on the corner of 7th and Junipero and according to their website is "one of the most interesting restaurants you'll ever go to." I don't disagree. Luis, the owner, started working at The Prospector back in 1978 in the kitchen and eventually climbed the ladder until he was able buy the place.

I don't think the decor has been changed since at least 1978, and I'll say that's a good thing. The place is the definition of kitschy (website says it's a "1849 Gold Rush theme"), but in a good way. If you look at the picture above you'll see three of my friends and a very nice velvet painting of an Indian in the background. That painting is about par for the course at The Prospector. We say under a giant mirror that designated our section of the establishment as "Cowboy Corner."

Not only is the decor and atmosphere delightful, but the food is tasty and the service is prompt. I had an ice tea (man, I wanted a beer or three with the boys), grilled, skinless chicken, and some mashed potatoes. The price is right too.

Not sure you want to head out there for date night, but for dinner and drinks with the fellas I give The Prospector an A.

Cleanse - Day 17

I missed blogging for a day but not to fear, faithful readers, I have not fallen off the wagon. Just some busy days at work that are leaving me exhausted and without much to say at the end of the day.

Who likes pizza? Yeah, me too. A lot. We had a party tonight at church for a departing pastor and there were about 700 Costco pizzas and some salad available to eat. Guess what I had? Yep, and a wheat bagel with honey.

I miss me some cheese.

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Earlier today I had the privilege of officiating at the memorial service for a wonderful grandmother from the community. Typically I really enjoy funerals. That may sound weird, but I like hearing the stories of people's lives. For instance, today I found out that Joyce had a "psycho cat" (her son's terminology) named Bootsy, lived down the street from our old house in Lakewood (I probably ran by her house all the time and didn't realize it), loved to read popular novels, used to visit Del Mar once a year with her girlfriends to play the ponies, and favored Manhattans when ordering a drink.

When it is someone who has lived a long and full life, I love getting together with a family to remember and celebrate and honor that life. It's an honor to listen to each person's story and try to weave the larger story of God into that occasion.

On the other hand, when the service is for a child or held as the result of a tragedy...man that's tough. It's a reminder that this world we live in--though so beautiful in so many ways--is still broken. There seem to be no good words in those situations. I just try to share in the grief and hope and pray that God is able to break in.

There are stories to listen to and take part in there too, and they are beautiful in their own heart-wrenching way.

But Joyce's service today was a celebration and I'm glad I got to be a part of the party.

A Quote

As nearly as I can tell, our core is what Hebrew and Christian spiritualities have called heart...

The problem is that this heart is so spacious...Since we can neither make an adequate cellular representation of it nor incorporate it into our preexisting systems, we cannot adapt to it. Like God, and perhaps in the image of God, our deepest sense of self will never be "normal." Because our brains are used to dealing with normalities that have boundaries and qualities, the spaciousness, its beckoning security and confidence notwithstanding, is terrifying.

So we are likely to pull away, perhaps even with a vengeance, and thrust our attention back into the world of form and substance where we can define ourselves. Here, though our addictions bind us and frustrate us, we at least think we know who we are. We are in the world of our normality, the conditioned world to which the cells of our brain have adapted. But we have been touched by this other, deeper sense, and it will touch us again. It has awakened and appetized our spiritual hunger, and part of us will forever want to go back for more. We can occupy ourselves with other things, but there will always be times of rest, moments of pause, and there it will be, beckoning.

--Gerald May

Cleanse - Day 15: Half Empty or Half Full?

Generally speaking I am an optimist. I stay on the sunny side of life. So as I reach the midway point of this 30-day cleanse I feel very positive. The glass is half full. It may be half full of colon cleansing sludge, but it's half full.

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Weariness the last couple of days was definitely protein-related. Yoda gave me a little talking to this morning when I told her I was feeling weak and lightheaded. You have to eat more, Paul. Eat some more protein. You're a man and men burn more calories. Eat!

Suitably chastened I went to the store and loaded up on a new batch of chicken breasts and felt much better after cooking a couple up for dinner.

Yoda is so wise and I am a young Jedi with much to learn.

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On another note I think an old man may have flipped me off today. Yeah, I know! I was driving back to work after lunch in the park and I saw this really cool old dude wearing a lovely old man hat. If you know me a little bit you know that I am partial to old man hats. I have a few and I wear them, unapologetically.

But this guy caught me staring at him and he must not have felt my admiration because I'm pretty sure he lifted his right hand and gave me the old scratch the cheek with the middle finger trick. I can't be sure but he made this motion while looking at me with what I thought was a twinkle in his eye.

What nerve, huh? What spunk! It made me laugh out loud and smile all the way back to work. I've been thinking about him all day.

The old man hat gives one great chutzpah.

Cleanse - Day 14

Man, I am weary today. Not sure if I'm not getting enough protein, if I just had too long a day at church, or if I'm tired of this cleanse. Maybe a bit of all three.

I think I'll ask Yoda for her opinion tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she'll tell me it's protein related. I'm like the cows who advertise for Chik-fil-A: "Eat mor chikin."

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We had a baptism in one of our services today and I got to officiate. Really cool. I love baptisms. There is something so innocent and dependent about an infant being baptized. Little dude has no idea what is going on but the belief is that God is active, reaching into that child's life, taking the initiative to love and claim and mark out territory.

Even as a pastor I can't say that I fully understand all that is happening during a baptism. This is treading into the territory of Mystery and I've learned to just open my eyes and take in what I can. It's always beautiful.

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Really wanted to finish off the leftover Hawaiian communion bread today. Passed it around to the kids instead and watched them rip hunks off the loaf, devouring it like baby birds in a nest.

Cleanse - Day 13

I really, really, really wanted a donut today. The kids had a sleep over last night and so I headed out early to get the 5 carpet weasels some donuts at the local shop. They were very appreciative--2 each along with some OJ.

There were a couple left and the chocolate pastry goodness was calling out for me to take a bite--or several. I didn't.

This may be a moral victory but I need to be careful. I don't want to deny myself so much that I end up going Homer Simpson one day and the wife come home to find me passed out on the floor, covered in cookie crumbs. When this cleanse is done I've got to find a way to moderate the re-entry process.

I miss chocolate.

Cleanse - Day 12

Day 12 found me in downtown Long Beach at Covenant Presbyterian Church for their 2nd annual Scrabble Scramble fundraiser. My Dad, my brother, and my sister-in-law entered as a team (Don't Get Stuck with the "Q"--hey, it's a team name and it's advice) and we ended up winning the thing.

Yeah, I know, congrats to us.

There was a nice cash prize but Ted and I were most excited that we would have our names engraved on the trophy. Money goes away, but a trophy? With your name on it? Just look at the picture to see how we feel about that.

And, yes, we will be back next year to defend our title.

Cleanse - Elevensies

Below follows one of my favorite exchanges from the first Lord of the Rings movie:

Aragorn: Gentlemen! We do not stop 'til nightfall.

Pippin: But what about breakfast?

Aragorn: You've already had it.

Pippin: We've had one, yes. But what about second breakfast?

[Aragorn stares at him, then walks off.]

Merry: Don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.

Pippin: What about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?

Merry: I wouldn't count on it.

"Elevensies" for me means two things today. 1) It is the eleventh day of this cleanse and 2) Since starting the cleanse, on a daily basis I probably consume every meal Pippin references. Second breakfast is an apple at 10:00am. Elevensies today was a celery stick. Lunch was a whole wheat bagel with some honey. Afternoon tea was green and included unsalted almonds. Dinner was chicken sausage stir-fried up with onions, peppers, broccoli, and cauliflower. Supper was some flax seed chips.

I would have made an excellent hobbit.

Cleanse - Day 10

Today I went to Spaghettini for lunch with a guy in our church and our Student Ministries director. The guy from church was buying which was a good thing because Spagh is an expensive place--even for lunch.

I got the Mango Seafood Salad and an ice tea and I'm pretty sure the total would have equalled a good date night for me and the wife. The food was delicious and company was great. This man from our church is one of my favorites. Are pastors allowed to have favorites? He's an older gentleman but with more life in his eyes and spirit than most 30-year olds I know. I like hanging out with him because he actually takes an interest in me. He asks good questions.

But I digress...

The mango seafood salad was unbelievably good. There was some kind of mystery dressing on it that I'm 99% sure contained sugar, but I wisely invoked the don't ask don't tell cleanse diet policy.

It's a great policy for the cleanse...not so sure for the military.